In this episode of The BOLO Podcast, psychologists, Dr. Gisette Uthoff and her husband, Dr. Mike Uthoff speak about the evil topic and all too often the stereotype of infidelity and cops.
You'll learn about why infidelity happens within the law enforcement community, how to repair your relationship after cheating happens, and how to reveal it to your spouse.
The show takes a slight turn when Mike gets on the topic about the NFL taking a knee during the playing of our national anthem.
Dispatcher Kristen speaks about how to avoid bad/fast food when you're on the go, and how to make better choices when finding quick and healthy food on patrol.
- Both doctors haven't found that anyone is ever happy from having an affair, but should have gone about it another way.
- There are no statistics that support that infidelity in law enforcement is prevalent over any other profession.
- Both doctors often see law enforcement professionals in their offices seeking help for infidelity.
- People are unfaithful typically not seeking physical attraction, but emotional attention.
- When being unfaithful you are giving into a fantasy and believe that what is lacking is being fulfilled.
- Finding someone attractive that is not your spouse is a natural reaction.
- People cheat for emotion and looking for someone to make them feel powerful, sexy, lovable, desired, etc.
- Officers find connections to their partners, B partners, nurses, and others who they interact with daily.
- Ask yourself what allows you to be understanding, patient, empathetic to your partner and not your spouse?
- Focus on what is causing conflict in your relationship.
- Take accountability and responsibility for your role in the relationship since it's the only side you can control.
- Don't have the mentality of "i'll change when they change".
- You should be a good husband or wife to set the standard for yourself not just for them.
- You have to have equal accountability in the relationship in order to move your relationship in the direction you want.
- If you want to repair the relationship, whoevers trust was broken can't put everything on the one who was unfaithful and have them try to fix the relationship themselves.
- Individuals think that just since there wasn't this issue before the cheating, that things before were okay.
- You can have a better relationship after the affair if you choose to work on the issues and learn from it.
- Asking questions like: what do they look like, how many times, where did you take them? etc. are not questions that are going to help you move on.
- Spouses believe that if they know all of the details of what went on they can prevent it from happening again and gain control, but this is not helpful.
- If you are going to be teamed up someone who you are attracted to
- It is not a favor to your kids to stay together for them and have them watch you fight and be unhappy.
- Ask your spouse for what you need from them?
- Dr. Gisette has never seen someone self initiate disclosure, but helps guide them to the realization.
- You can tell from distance, body language, inconsistencies in stories when someone is being unfaithful.
- When you are disclosing your infidelity the best route is to self initiate and tell them everything and not try to hide anything that will come out later.
- Lay all of your cards on the table.
- If you try to rebuild your relationship and more bombs are dropped later, you'll keep going back to square one of repair.
- Accept the consequences of your actions.
- If you decide to stay in the relationship after being cheated on you have to hold responsibility for your actions as well.
- Cheating is not justifiable, but you have to ask the right questions and find the root of why you got to a place where you allowed yourself to be unfaithful.
- Seek a therapist that is going to help keep control of the situation.
- Once someone has been cheated on it becomes a part of them and have to get past the betrayal in order to grow.
- Retaliation cheating is done to hurt the other partner.
- Most marriages can succeed if they take accountability and have a genuine desire to fix their relationship.
- Dr. Gisette has seen several officers make the same mistake twice or more with infidelity and lose their pensions.
- People who cheat aren't necessarily bad people, but made a bad decision.
- Cops with boundaries don't cheat and cops without boundaries cheat.
- As long as you can disagree with justification that is grounded in something logical.
- You can disagree with someone and still be respectful.
- We all have the right to disagree.
- Dr. Mike believes in law and order and consistency and that if people want to kneel before the flag then you shouldn't chastise somebody for praying at a football game.
- Moral foundation vs. what our rights are.
- If you don't take care of your partner, someone else will.
- The highest rate of infidelity and break ups is after the holidays.
- The stress of infidelity can lead to health issues.
- Infidelity tends to happen to officer's during the law enforcement academy or within the first 3 years on patrol.
- If you are being unfaithful reach out and speak to someone about it.
Nutrition/Fitness Tip - Dining Fit While On Patrol
- The best way to avoid bad/fast food is to make it yourself and bring it with you.
- Try kids sizes for portion control when getting a teriyaki bowl. Ask for half of the rice or get all veggies.
- Replace mayonnaise and cheese with avocado.
- Cut down on overdressing your salad by keeping it on the side.
- For gas stations, you can get hard boiled eggs, string cheese, protein bars/drinks, or fruit.
- Pre-order your food from a restaurant and take it to go.
- Keep sauces on the side.
- Opt for grilled veggies instead of fries.
- Tuna packets are good options for protein on the go. *Read nutritional value to avoid high sodium.
- There are plenty of options to eat healthy when dining out.
- Cut down on the little things and you will see change.
*For full article, including recipes and desserts, on 'Dining Fit While On Patrol' with trainer Kristen head over to https://teamfitforduty.com/blog/dining-fit-while-on-patrol